Colley-Rocks

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Having been busy recently, I hadn’t had the chance to visit Matlock for three weeks, but took full advantage yesterday, finding him in his crumlush back-garden on his paws and knees, listening intently to a heavily complaining colley-rock.

When it had finally finished, he got up and turned to me. “Happy spring. I trust all’s well?”

I nodded, apologising for not dropping by sooner. “It’s just been so busy, what with finishing your new book.”

“No need to apologise,” he griffled. “You always know where I am if you need me, that’s the main thing.”

We walked to a small table on the lawn, where his dripple bought us a brottle-leaf brew.

I pointed back at the disgruntled rock, still mumbling and complaining, its low rumbles doing their best to ruin what otherwise would have been an entirely pleasant, pleasing afternoon. “Why don’t you just put the colley-rocks somewhere else?” I asked. “Say, as far into Wand Woods as you could carry them?”

He smiled his curling hare’s smile as he took a sip of his brew. “But this is their home. And that is what colley-rocks do, grumble with every griffle.”

“And you always get down on your knees to talk to them?”

“Talk?” he griffled. “No, I get down on my knees to listen. It’s really quite different. Peffa-different, in fact.”

“But all they do is complain,” I pointed out. “It’s not as if I’ve ever heard any of them ever happy.”

“They’re happy complaining,” he griffled. “More than content.” He pointed to the nearest rock, a permanent scowl on its granite face. “Surely you have such creatures out in The Great Beyond? Creatures that most of all, need to moan to someone about something and feel they’ve been listened to? Which, really, is quite the easiest thing to do, just a matter of being there for them.  For after all, isn’t that exactly what you’re doing right now, grumbing about rocks you think are grumbling too much?  Who’s worse, you or the colley-rocks?” He turned to me, fixed me with his hare’s eye. “Perhaps you should go and listen to one.”

“What? Now? No thanks, I’m trying my best to ignore them, so they don’t ruin my afternoon.”

Matlock chickled.

“What’s so funny?”

“You,” he griffled. “It seems to me, you’re the one who’s now complaining about going to have to listen to a complaining colley-rock.”

“Right,” I announced, trying not to be petty. “I’m now about to have a ridiculously stupid and probably painful time getting to my knees to listen to a rock. And whilst you’re laughing at me, Matlock, I want you to know it’s all your fault.”

“Oh, I do!” he gleefully griffled.

Sighing, I slowly knelt in front of the miserable rock.

“What you doing here?” it immediately frowned. “Never asked you to come over and listen, did I?”

“Well, no,” I answered. “And frankly, I’d rather not be here, but Matlock suggested I listen to you.”

“But you’re not, are you?”

“Not what?”

“Not listening. You’re just griffling and not letting me get a single griffle in edgeways. You griffle that you’ve come over to listen, but all you’re doing is moaning about why you’re here.”

“That’s not true!” I frowned. “You’re the one complaining about me being here!”

“Too right I am,” it griffled. “There I was, having a right good and crumlush moan, and you comes bowling over likes you own the place and starts glopping-up my afternoon with all your griffling!”

“Me ruining your afternoon?” I gasped. “You’re the one ‘glopping-up’ everyone’s afternoon!”

“It don’t seem to me bothering the hare too much,” it griffled, nodding at Matlock who was now chickling uncontrollably. “He seems most content with it all.”

I stood, gritting my teeth as I returned to the table. “That was utterly pointless,” I angrily told Matlock.  “A huge laugh for you, but believe me, a painful waste of time. My knees are nowhere near as good as they used to be, and frankly can well do without listening to a clottabused rock for your amusement!”

At length, the chickling hare composed himself. “You see,” he griffled, wiping a tear from his eye, “the point here is…”

“Oh, yes,” I interrupted, “I’d love to know just what the point to this latest humiliation is!”

“The point,” he griffled, ‘isn’t about listening – or griffling, either. Or knees, or colley-rocks, or gardens, or even brottle-leaf brews.”

“What is it, then?” I asked a little sourly.

He reached over and clasped my hand between his two paws. “Are you going to stop being clottabussed and sulky?”

I reluctantly nodded.

“The point,” he griffled, “is knowing the difference between what will never change, and what will always change – and that there’s an equal chance that both will and can delight you in equal measure.”

“The colley-rock delights you?” I frowned.

He smiled. “Because it’s been complaining for at least a grillion moon-turns before I took my first breath as a leveret, and will still be doing so a grillion moon-turns after I’ve taken my last. It is both the past and future described, and in that, there is much to find wonder in. The least I can do for it is to sometimes listen to its clottabussed griffles. And just now, it bought great chickles to me, too.”

“At my expense,” I reminded him.

“Then perhaps you’ve learnt something about yourself that, unlike the humble colley-rock, you can change. That’s it’s gift to us. We can change, it can’t. You can learn to chickle about yourself more often, and perhaps one sun-turn, even realise it was a glopped-up rock that taught you more about pride than a chickling majickal-hare could ever do.”

I made a show of nodding and shrugging, watching as he poured another brottle-leaf brew, then walking slowly back to the still moaning rock, dropping silently to my knees and for once in my life, simply listening, studying the many cracks and fissures in its face, the scars of time stretching back a grillion lifetimes.

After, I wandered back to the table, sitting quietly in the afternoon sun, closing my eyes and realising that despite the colley-rocks, moon-buzzers, chickling niff-plants and many scrittling creatures all around, all I really heard was a new and very deeply satisfying contentment…

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For more clottabussed tales, signed books, crumlush artwork, saztaculous prints and majickal adventures, visit www.matlockthehare.com

 

 

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Into the Woods…

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“This,” Matlock griffled, as we stood beneath a gnarled old tree at the very edge of the darkened forest, “is Ductora, Guardian of Wand Woods.”

I looked at the face protruding from under the soft lantern light gently swinging from a branch above. “She’s asleep, right?”

“Are you worried?” he asked. “Getting twizzly?”

I shook my head. “No. It’s just that…”

“What?”

“Well, she looks as if she’d be quite frightening if she woke up.”

Matlock’s eyes widened, a hint of a smile playing across his hare’s face. “Frightening?”

“Twizzly,” I translated. “It’s our word for it out in ‘The Great Beyond’.”

He chickled. “I can assure you that Ductora is neither ‘frightening’ nor twizzly, but as old as Wand Woods themselves. Some even griffle she was the first tree ever to shoot from the ground beneath our feet. But in her time, she’s been to many places in this woods, always listening for visitors who might get lost, finding them, and guiding them to safety with her lantern. You wish to try?”

“Try?” I swallowed.

He nodded.  “It’s peffa-simple. You pid-pad into the woods, get yourself totally lost, glubbstooled and twizzly, and see if Ductora comes and finds you.”

I looked up at the aged face cracked into the ancient bark, imagining the sight of the tree awake and looming to find me in the pitch black of the woods. “Probably not,” I said.  “I’ll just take your word that she’s a great rescue-tree. A most saztaculous one. Quite the best.”

“I think you need to try,” he griffled, looking up into my eyes, moonlight catching them in the gloom. “What twizzles you more – getting lost, or being found?”

I jumped as one eye half-opened in the bark above my head. “Even’up,” I falteringly said to the tree. “Don’t worry about me. I’m with Matlock, he’s trying to get lost to see if you’d find me.” I shrugged apologetically. “He thinks it’s funny, but honestly, I wouldn’t do it. Please just go back to sleep – or nifferduggling – or whatever you call it.”

The other eye opened, the mouth cracking as Ductora twisted to look around. “I don’t see Matlock.”

I searched the gloom. The rascal had gone, leaving me quite alone, and not a little fearful. Ductora’s voice was every inch as imperious as I’d expected, and her tone quite obviously annoyed. “He’s hopped off,” I said, catching my breath and squinting as she suddenly lowered herself down, the lamp swinging in front of my face as she carefully studied me. “He was here just a few blinksnaps ago, honest.”

“My, but aren’t you twizzly?” she griffled, amused. “A most curious specimen. A Beyonder, you say? I had no idea your kind was so yechus and peffa-glopped.”

“Which is why I’ll be going,” I quickly replied, turning and walking away into Wand Woods, cursing Matlock under my breath as I ventured deeper into the dense forest. It was a route I could roughly remember, heading past what looked like familiar trees and finding small paths as I stumbled over roots and uneven ground, searching for the edge of the woods and tell-tale sign on the small smoke-trail from Matlock’s cottage, where I knew he’d already be, feet up by a roaring piff-tosh, a mug of brottle-leaf brew in his hands, chickling away at me.

“Curse you, Matlock, and your stupid games!” I cried out as a low branch whipped across my face. Rain began to fall, large heavy drops rolling from the leaves above. In seconds, I was quite drenched – and hopelessly lost. I took what shelter I could against a nearby trunk. “Okay!” I shouted. “You win, Matlock! Now I have to summon some sort of majickal-tree to come and save me, and look like a right clottabus, too!”

I took a deep breath, wiping rain from my brow. “Ductora! I’m lost! Please help me get to Matlock’s cottage!”

Nothing happened. I tried again. Still nothing. Not the faintest glimmer of a slowly swinging lamp approaching through the rain. “Well, it’s rubbish then, isn’t it?” I shouted.  “Here I am, lost, and your tree can’t even find me!” I was almost joyous to be proved right. “Once again, Matlock, your so-called ‘majick’ in Winchett Dale is completely useless! I win, Matlock – and you lose!”

Laughing now, I set to the path again, no longer feeling the rain pounding on my head, just the sense that I had bettered the hare. He’d expected me to get lost, then have to suffer the indignity of being found by a lamp-carrying tree; instead the cracked and peffa-glopped thing didn’t even know where I was!

I pushed on, soaked through, but determined to find a way to the edge of the woods, no longer bothering to call out to either Ductora or Matlock, just sensing I’d somehow find his cottage, and mine would be the satisfaction of telling him just how I’d got there.

Three more turns, and I began to recognise my surroundings. I was on the right path! Familiar divots and trees soon gave way to the edge of the woods, and beyond it, Matlock’s cottage, blue in the moonlight, its wet roof glistening in the rain.

I cried out in joy, running the last stretch, bursting through the gate and up the path to the front-creaker. I’d done it! He’d lost, I’d won. Because of me, not some majickal-tree with a lamp! Now it was my turn to turn the tables on the furry, long-eared prankster!

“So,” I loudly announced as I entered the cosy cottage. “Turns out your rescue-tree was a lot more peffa-glopped than you ever thought. Perhaps she’s too old, Matlock. Perhaps she sleeps too long. Perhaps she needs a new lamp, eh?”

He turned from his chair by the warming fire. “Or perhaps, Ductora never needed to find you because you were never really lost?”

“Oh, no!” I objected. “I was well and truly lost! Didn’t have a clue where I was. Then the rain came, and I could have been anywhere. I called out, but your Guardian of Wand Woods never came!”

He smiled, pouring me a brottle-leaf brew and silently inviting me to warm myself in front of the crumlush fire.

“So I win, don’t I?”

“Win?” he griffled. “It was never a competition. Ductora didn’t come for you because you never really needed finding. You were always in the peffa-perfect place, no matter how glopped it felt at the time. She always knew that. Ductora knows full well the difference between being ‘lost’ and being needed to be ‘found’. You were neither. You might have thought yourself lost, but what you found was something to help you, something to light your way – and I don’t think it was a lantern was it?”

Later, after I’d finished my brew and we had sat quietly in front of the fire long enough for the rain to ease and my coat to dry, I slowly made my way to the creaker as quietly as possible. He was already asleep, content and breathing heavily. Outside, I looked up at the twinkling-lid alive with a grillion bright stars, before slowly making my way back through Wand Woods and home.

I didn’t see Ductora as I found my back, but somehow, I always knew she was there – I simply wasn’t lost yet….

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For more of Matlock, Winchett Dale and the clottabussed creatures who people his ‘majickal’ adventures, enjoy being ‘lost’ in the full-length illustrated trilogy…

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The Matlock trology – nearly 1500 pages, over 100 full page black and white illustrations…

On sale now – you’re just one ‘click’ from the majick….

 

 

 

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How Matlock ‘survives’…

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‘Nifferduggles at the end of the even’up’ – Illustration from our latest Matlock the Hare all-colour book ‘Upon a Tzorkly Moon’ – now crowdfunding on Kickstarter

Sometimes, in a world fraught with obvious problems, seething change and restless attitudes – it’s hard to see how there’s room for such an innocous creature as a majickal-hare called Matlock and his whimsical world of Winchett Dale.

Yet somehow – thankfully – there is…

Matlock ‘survives’ because folk both like and believe in him and (most importantly!) support him, enabling Jacqui and I to keep on bringing his life, clottabussed thoughts and majickal adventures to you. These folk, these ‘Saztaculous Matlock Folk’ as we now thankfully and proudly call them, are the very lifeblood of Winchett Dale, and all the ‘majick’ that surrounds it. Their help, generosity, belief, friendship and humour makes our books possible. Quite simply, they ‘bring the majick’ from Winchett Dale out into ‘The Great Beyond’ for so many others to discover…

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‘The Guardian of Wand Woods’ – watercolour illustration to appear in ‘Upon A Tzorkly Moon’…

Both Jacqui and I know full-well just how fortunate we both are to spend our days bringing Matlock and Winchett Dale ‘to life’. So far it’s been five years hard work – and we fully intend to continue. Firstly  to justify and return the faith our ‘Saztaculous Matlock Folk’ have invested in us – and secondly, with the long-form fiction trilogy completed, well, there’s simply too many stories still left to tell in Winchett Dale…

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The Matlock trilogy – nearly 1500 pages, over 100 full page black and white illustrations – all made possible by crowdfunding…

So really, what’s this blog about? Everyone knows Matlock survives on niff-soup, brottle leaf brews, cloff-beetle salads and the occasional guzzwort down at the Winchett dale Inn, surely? True – but Matlock really ‘happens’, Matlock  really ‘lives’ when folk believe and want more of him…

Now, we’ve just 3 days left on our latest journey – to fund and publish a brand new Matlock book to be called ‘Upon a Tzorkly Moon’. It’ll be a first for us – a 144 page all-colour ‘journey’ deep into Winchett Dale to explore Matlock’s home in more detail than ever before, alongside a selection of Jacqui’s favourite illustrations from the trilogy reproduced in colour for the very first time…

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Please join us on our next ‘saztaculous journey’…

Currently our latest Kickstarter project has just 3 days left to run – ending at midday on Tues, Feb 28th!  If you join us and back the project, you’ll be able to choose from to a ‘saztaculous and crumlush’ selection of rewards including:

  • Signed copies of the book
  • Signed prints
  • Original artworks
  • Bespoke artworks
  • Posters
  • PLUS all the extra FREE rewards that are EXCLUSIVE to backers of the project!
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Just some of the ‘extra FREE rewards’ available to our ‘Saztaculous’ backers!

So please, all we’re asking is that you might perhaps take a look at our project, see if you’d want to back it, or simply share it with like-minded folk… It’s our attempt to bring a much needed bit of whimsy and ‘majick’ back into the world – and hopefully with your help we will…

Until the next time, and our further adventures into Winchett Dale, we wish you a truly and happy ‘tzorkly’ weekend….and hoping you can join us

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Peffa Oidy Witches sighted!

Sometimes, our witches get ‘lost’ – sometimes they can’t be bothered to get up – and sometimes, they even go on holiday – here visiting the strange and ‘tentacled’ world of Hopeless Maine by Tom and Nimue Brown (who, whilst are also pleasingly strange, don’t have tentacles!)

The Hopeless Vendetta

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Conventional wisdom suggests the sight of a squadron of over 200 airborne witches roaring out of the fog on bright-red, burning vroffa-brooms might make for a most ‘twizzly’ sight. But as this is Hopeless Maine, here we must remember that all convention mostly slithers slowly back into the murky seas of logic that surround the island like an ominous tentacle disappearing under the slooping waters…

The reality, were you ever to be perched on a jetty by the shoreline, your ears pricked by the throbbing hum of the approaching horde – would of course, be arguably different from your expectations.  And here, I’m assuming that you’re rather like the witches in question – a visitor to this most peculiar place, keen to encounter its many irregularities whilst trying your best not to be drowned, eaten – or worse….

So, with these pretexts aside, let us look up into the swirling…

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…Of ‘Dudge Whammets’ and things that shouldn’t ‘be’…

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Recently – for reasons only ever known to a green-robed, majickal-hare – Matlock decided to take me to see a creature called Thunkle who plies his trade as a ‘repairer of dudge whammets’ from a rickety wagon in Chiming Meadows, just outside the village.

It was a pleasant enough stroll, Matlock ‘pid-padding’ by my side as we headed away from the small wooden houses, up towards the gently sloping grasslands where, Matlock assured me, Thunkle would be busy about his business.

“He’s been doing it for as long as I know,” he griffled, swatting away a jiffle-fly from his long hare’s ears. “For longer that I’ve lived here. He gets quite russisculoffed some of the time, and has some fairly fiersome antlers, but as long as we’re quiet, he’ll most likely let us watch without too much trouble.”

“Trouble?” I said, spotting a small wagon stood in a glade on the far side of the meadow. I already knew what ‘russisculoffed’ meant – to get very annoyed, or angry. “Matlock, I don’t want to upset anyone. Especially if they’ve got antlers.”

Matlock chickled.”What’s the worst that can happen? If he suddenly charges and breaks your legs or glopps your back, I’ve probably got something back in the potionary that could fix it.”

“Probably?”

“Not totally sure, but I might have. Now hush.” He put a paw to his lips. “Only whispgriffling from now on. Just watch him about his work.”

We were close enough to see the wagon fully now, a ramshackle affair hung with old curtains and falling roof-slates. Small steps led up to puffing potboiler, and insides full of shelves, cupboards, plates and cutlery. Thunkle obviously used the wagon as his home. On the back, in what appeared a most undignified heap were a series of quite the most peculiar creatures I’d ever stumbled across – which admittedly is quite a thing to say in Winchett Dale. About the size of a hare, with bodies the colour of patinated copper, they looked like some kind of living accordian – a bellows mixed with a milkchurn. Only with eyes and tails. And they made small noises, mostly sighs and squeeks… All in all very peculiar.

“Dudge whammets,” Matlock whispgriffled in my ear, as we both quietly sat in the long grass. “Thunkle has quite a few to repair, by the looks of things.”

“But what are they for?” I whispered back.

“For?”

“Yes. What do they do?”

“Do?”

“What does it even mean,’dudge whammet’?”

Matlock looked at me in the way he so often does when I clearly dissappoint him. “What does it mean?

I nodded, watching the large, antlered creature awkwardly lift another of the copper-green curiosities into the back of his wagon, then wincing as he seemed to casually hurl it on top of the others in the back.

For? Do? Mean?” Matlock whispgriffled back. “Dudge whammets just are, don’t you understand?”

“Not really,” I confessed. “They must do something, in order to be repaired.”

Matlock sighed, suddenly standing and calling over to the antlered creature. “Thunkle! Could you spare me and my clottabussed friend a few blinksnaps?”

The creature turned, spotting me trying to hide in the long grass, snarling as he lum-thumped towards us. “Matlock? What you be doing ‘ere?”

“Just showing our visitor your saztaculous wagon and work,” he confidently replied. “He wants to know what dudge whammets actually do.”

Thunkle looked at me for a long time, heavy brow furrowing over his piercing blue eyes. “Do?” he slowly griffled. “What they ‘do’? They get’s repaired, is what they ‘do’.”

I tried to find my voice, intimidated by his stare, yet also rather annoyed at Matlock’s enjoyment of my predicament.  “Tha…thank you,” I stammered. “You’ve been most informative.”

“Informative?” He turned to Matlock. “What’s this clottabus griffling about with all his peffa-glopped griffles?”

Matlock shrugged. “He uses complicated griffles all the time. He comes from ‘The Great Beyond’.”

Which gave Thunkle pause, narrowing his eyes and tipping his antlered head on one side. “Does it need repairin’?”

“What?” I quietly replied, wanting to leave as fast as possible.

He bent down, nose inches from mine, breath puffing on my face. “Your world. Your ‘Great beyond’. Does it be needin’ any repairin’?”

“I…er…don’t know.,.well…perhaps…”

“And what does it do? he snarled.

“Do?” I squeaked, eyes horribly drawn to his huge yellow teeth.

“Your world,” he griffled, “with all it’s peffa-complicated griffles  – what does it actaully ‘do’?”

“Thunkle,” Matlock fortunately interrupted, tapping his large shoulder and pointing at the back of the wagon, where a lone dudge whammet was just about to roll and fall off. “I think that one needs your help.”

Thunkle turned, nodding. “So it be, Matlock,” he growled. “I be thanking you for that. I must be attendin’ to it.”

I let out a grateful sigh, watching the large creature lump-thump back to avert the inevitable fall, before safely rearranging the other sofly-sighing dudge whammets around it.

“So you see,” Matlock griffled, as we headed back to his cottage, “perhaps it’s sometimes the things that don’t really ‘do’ anything that really ‘do’ the most, just that in ways we’ll never really understand. You felt caution, you felt fear, then judged a creature as frightening, when really he’s most caring. And all because of the humble dudge whammet. Perhaps in their own clottabussed way, they do a lot more for the world than we’ll ever know.”

“Maybe,” I conceeded. “I still feel sorry for them, though. It can’t be fun being repaired all the time. Especially when nobody even knows if there’s anything wrong with you in the first place.”

Matlock chickled. “Oh, I don’t think they really mind. After all, they’ve also just made you feel sorry for a creature you don’t even begin to understand. So I would griffle that really, they’ll be very happy with their afternoon’s work. Now, how about a brottle-leaf brew?”

Which seemed the best, most ‘saztaculous’ and only thing to do….

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The illustration above  – ‘Thunkle and the Dudge Whammets’ – is taken from ‘Upon a Tzorkly Moon’ our first all-colour Matlock the Hare book currently crowdfunding on Kickstarter. We’d love to join us on our journey, or share our project with as many ‘like-minded folk’ as you can, to hopefully bring a little more ‘Matlock’ out into ‘The Great Beyond’!

Please take a look at our project and hopefully join us…

Phil & Jacqui Lovesey

 

 

 

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Immovable Witches and an Invitation to Join Us..

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Mirabella – the immovable ‘ganticus-witch’ from Trefflepugga Path!

It’s not often I venture up Trefflepugga Path. And the only times I have done, it’s always been with Matlock the Hare. To do so alone would be sheer clottabussed folly. But on occasion he’ll lead me to the very edge of Winchett Dale where the ever-twisting twizzly path begins.

An ‘occasion’ just like yesterday, in fact…

“I want to show you something,” Matlock casually griffled as together we set foot on the path. “Or rather, ‘someone’.”

I gingerly followed, eyes fixed on the back of his green velvet hood, trying to ingore the gently moving mountains, valleys and hills on all sides that so disorientate the unexpected traveller. Thought to be as old as time itself, Dalelore has it that Trefflepugga Path is in itself alive, the largest creature in all the majickal dales, an ever moving link between them all, yet with an inpenetrable mind of its own. Begin your journey, and it’s the path that decides your destination, not you.

“Will it take long?” I asked. “Only, I’m beginning to feel a little dizzy, to be honest.”

He chickled. “You live a life full of unexpected turns and events, yet you cannot progress along it without feeling ill?”

“Matlock,” I tried. “Less of the platitudes. Where are we going?”

“I’m sure you ask the same thing about life, too,” he simply griffled, saying nothing more until we finally came to what apeared to be a large, furry rock stuck between two trees. Except it wore the largest ever witches’ hat, and all three were soundly asleep, the only noise the gentle whistling of their breath as snow began to fall from the lid above.

“Now what?” I asked, as the valley steeply narrowed to each tree, making the way completely impassable. “We’re stuck. I take it we go back?”

“No,” he smiled. “This is Mirabella, the immovable ganticus-witch of Trefflepugga Path. She’s why we’re here.”

I made a show of looking interested, wiping the snow from my eyes. “Brilliant,” I said. “Very big and…very witchy. Now, can we go back?”

“The whole point,” he explained, “is to try and find out how to go on. Mirabella blocks the path. There’s no way round, the ground is too hard to tunnel under, and the trees will wake and forbid you to climb them in order to go over.”

“Fine,” I said. “So you’ve bought me all the way out here for some sort of puzzle? Honestly, Matlock, I don’t need this.”

“No one ‘needs’ puzzles when they arrive, do they? They just happen.”

I sighed. He wasn’t going to give up on this, already knew I’d never turn back on my own. “Well, I suppose we wake her up and griffle to her very nicely if she’d move out of the way.”

Matlock chickled. “Wake Mirabella? She’s been nifferduggling like this for over a grillion moon-turns. The last time she woke was to briefly scratch her crimple. A blinsksnap later, she was nifferduggling again.”

I shook my the falling snow off my head, walked up to the huge witch and gently moved one of her long purple claws.

“Honestly,” Matlock called out, “you could drop ten colley-rocks on her toes and she’d still nifferduggle all the way through it.”

Which was something I wasn’t going to try – it was too cold and colley-rocks are difficult to lift at the best of times. “So what’s the answer, then?” I asked. “You obviously know.”

“You’re getting russiculoffed, aren’t you? You’re frowning.”

“Because I’d rather be anywhere else but here,” I told him, looking up into the huge sleeping face. “Frankly, it’s freezing, and I’d much rather be by your fire having a brottle-leaf brew.”

“Me, too,” he simply griffled.

“Fine,” I said. “We’re agreed. Let’s go.”

He slowly shook his hare’s head, collecting his thoughts. “If you were on the the other side right now, and turned back, what would you see?”

I shrugged, annoyed at the question. “See?”

“What would Mirabella look like?”

“Well, it would just be her back, I suppose. And the trees would be facing the other way.”

He nodded slightly. “And if you turned round, to see the path that stretched before you?”

I tried to peer beyond Mirabella and the two trees squeezed between the sheer, narrow valley. “I’d see the mountains and the way ahead.”

“Then you are already on the other side,” he slowly griffled. “Turn around.”

I did so, realising to my astonishment that he was right. I was suddenly looking at Mirabella’s vast purple back. The snow had stopped, yet still fell where I’d been stood just a moment before. “That’s amazing,” I said.

“I think the griffle you’re looking for is ‘saztaculous’,” he replied. “Perhaps, even, ‘shindinculous’.”

“But how?” I asked, still unable to believe how I’d so suddenly moved from one place to another.

He slowly cleared his throat. “If you ask ‘how’ all the time, you’ll never understand the way of Trefflepugga Path. It does what it does for a grillion reasons unknown to any of us. Perhaps the question to ask is a bigger one – not ‘how’, but ‘why’. For it’s only when we truly begin to understand why it changes and presents us with so many problems and puzzles along the way that we can perhaps finally catch the oidiest glimpse of its reasoning.” He smiled at me. “It’s a long journey, but begin with that single question – why? Ask no others until you know, because if you don’t, you’ll never be ready.”

“Ready for what?” I asked.

He chickled. “Aren’t you ready for a brottle-leaf brew?”

“Now? Here? On the middle of Trefflepugga Path?”

He looked around, watching the valleys slowly withdraw from the trees beside Mirabella, the sun breaking through to melt the snowy ground. “I was thinking we’d pid-pad back to the cottage. I may be a majickal-hare, but majicking a table, kettle and cups is beyond the work of even the finest of my kind.”

A few blinknsnaps later, we headed back to the cottage, and this time I didn’t feel dizzy for a single ‘pid-pad’….

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An Invitation  from ‘the Potionary’ to Join Us…

The illustration of Mirabella is taken from our new all-colour Matlock the Hare book ‘Upon a Tzorkly Moon’ that we’re currently crowdfunding on Kickstarter. We’d love you to be able to join us in making this 144 page journey deep into Winchett Dale a ‘saztaculous’ reality!

We’re offering signed copies of the book, prints, original artwork, your chance to be ‘immortalised’ in a bespoke Winchett Dale painting, posters and much, much more. So please, take a look at our project, and really hoping you can join us for a truly ‘majickal’ February!

Click HERE for more details…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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….Of ‘time’ and ‘blinksnaps’…

The other even’up, warm in front of Matlock’s fireside, I found myself having to explain ‘time’ to him. I say ‘having’ – it was really by way of an excuse; I’d stayed too long drinking brottle-leaf brews and knew I had to be getting back.

He looked at me, frowning slightly. “You griffle that it’s ‘time’ to go, but what does that mean exactly?”

The question took me by some surprise. He genuinely didn’t know. “I have to be somewhere at a certain time,” I tried to explain. “And if I’m here, then I won’t be there in time.”

“In ‘time’?” he griffled. “So that’s where your going – a place called Time?”

“No,” I tried, realising this might take a little longer than I’d expected. “The time is the time I have to be there. The place is quite different.”

“Oh,” he quietly griffled. “Sounds quite clottabussed to me.”

“As are most things in ‘The Great Beyond’,” I quickly assured him, making my way swiftly to the door, keen to get going. “I’ll see if I can drop by sometime soon again.”

“Some ‘time’?”

“No, sometime. It means not an exact time, just a sort of vague time. It’s like I’ll make time to do it.”

“You can make this thing called time?” he griffled, scratching the base of his long brown ears. “You’re really going to have to explain this to me, for now I’m most confused.”

“Matlock, I don’t have time.”

“But you just griffled you could make some.”

Which, of course, I had. So, sighing, I sat back down as he poured me another steaming brew…

matfireside

Matlock’s crumlush cottage, with its splutting, warming ‘piff-tosh’ – a truly crumlush place to stop by for a brew…

“The thing is,” I began, “where I come from we don’t just have sun-turns, moon-turns and seasons; we divide everything up. We have seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years. Sixty second to a minute, sixty minutes to an hour, twenty-four hours to a day, seven days to a week, four weeks to a month, twelve months to a year – making three-hundred and sixty-five days a year, except for every four years when we have to add another day to make sense of things.”

“Make ‘sense’ of things?” Matlock griffled, slowly chickling. “It sounds most peffa-glopped and clottabussed to me.” He took a slurp at his brew. “If you’re all so good at ‘making time’ in ‘The Great Beyond’ – then just stop making it. It seems quite a glubbstooled thing, if you ask me.”

“I don’t mean we actually make it,” I sighed. “It just is. The seconds, minutes, hours, they go on and on. We can’t stop them.”

Now he was really confused, although I could see he was trying his best to understand. “But someone must have made it,” he reasoned, “for it to exist in your world. We don’t have anything like that here.”

“And that’s why you never get anything done in Winchett Dale,” I replied. “You have no time structure. No one knows when to meet each other, or what’s going on, or even what they should be interested in at any certain time. Honestly, Matlock, one of the biggest problems here is that no one ever really knows what the time is.” I looked at my watch, showing him the dial. “You see, this tells me it’s nearly eight o’clock. That means I have to go.”

“Just because your machine is griffling to you?”

I took a breath. “Thing is, right now, I’m actually wasting time trying to explain time, when all the time I’m not going to be in time!”

He chickled. “You ‘Beyonders’ with all your fancy griffles and machines and ‘things to always do’. Have you never heard of ‘blinksnaps’?”

“I’m assuming they’re food?”

“No,” he griffled. “‘Blinksnaps’ are what you might call ‘moments’. Some are memories of perhaps just the oidiest, oidiest thing; others are memories of the now – the rest memories of things still to come.  This is the only ‘time’ you need in your life, just blinksnaps.” He finished his brottle-leaf brew. “But I mustn’t keep you any longer. I can see that this ‘time’ that you can both make, waste but can’t stop, calls to you. I simply ask you this – how many ‘blinksnaps’ will you miss by chasing something you can never stop, or catch? How many moments will never become memories? How many saztaculous things will you rush by and ignore? How many crumlush ‘blinksnaps’ have you missed in life already, thanks to this thing of yours called ‘time’?”

“Yes, well,” I said, rising for door again. “Now I’m really late, and frankly knew this would be a complete waste of time trying to explain this.”

“Not for me,” Matlock chickled. “For me it’s made a most amusing ‘blinksnap’ that I shall remember for a many a moon-turn.”

Trying to smile, I left the cottage, making my way back through the darkness of Wand Wood, wondering if the whispering noise above came from the trees chickling all around me…

I’d think about it later, when I had the time…

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For more ‘Matlock the Hare’ – and to be a part of our latest Kickstarter for his first all-colour hardback book – Upon a Tzorkly Moon –  beginning 1st Feb, please take a few ‘blinksnaps’ to click HERE and see how you can become part of the majick…

 

 

 

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